Another month has flown by; the days are going by really fast. I still had time to enjoy some things. I didn’t get as much reading done as I would have liked because I had family visiting and it would have been rude of me to be all caught up in a made up world. I have to make up for it in May.

Yasmin Coleman, founder of APOOO is really doing some great things within the literary community. Not only did she recognize the Poets of yesterday, during the month of April, but she took the time to shine the limelight on the Poets of today. How cool is that? On April 24^th she and Marcus Harris CEO of Urban Echoes Entertainment hosted a Virtual Spoken Word Showcase, on blog talk radio that was awesome. Check the APOOO site for more info on.

I have a confession to make. I’ve never been to one of Tyler Perry’s stage plays before. All that change when my husband and I went to see The Marriage Counselor of the 19^th, it was fabulous. We laughed our butts off. The music was good and the actors were perfect. I will definitely go see Mr. Perry’s creation again, live and up close.

Words of Inspiration Book Club had the pleasure of dining with Shana Burton, on the 26^th to discuss her debut novel, Suddenly Single. Ms. Burton is very sweet. I know I can be tough on the authors, but hey I wouldn’t be me if I changed. I voiced my concern about the main character’s activity and the fact that the book was Urban Christian; I felt she responded to me in a great way. Her answer made sense and hey I’m okay with it. Ms. Burton has another book coming out in the fall, I believe it’s in November, called First Come Love. She supplied the book club members with the first two chapters. I’ll tell you how it is after I read it in the next few days. I enjoyed Suddenly Single and the time we spent with Ms. Burton and hope it wasn’t the last time. She’s the lovely ladies in the picture above.

Last but not least, the things I did read for April. Besides the house guest my allergies decided to whip me to nothingness the last five days of the month. My reading suffered because of this, but it’s all good.

1. Gotta Keep on Tryin’ by Virginia DeBerry & Donna Grant (APOOO 3/ Amazon 3)

2. Joy by Victoria Christopher Murray (APOOO 4.5/ Amazon 4)

3. I Know I’ve Been Changed by ReShonda Tate Billingsley (APOOO 4/ Amazon 4)

4. One Ain’t Enough by Mo Flames (APOOO 4.5/ Amazon 5)

5. Harlem Godfather: The Rap on my Husband, Ellsworth “Bumpy Johnson by Mayme Johnson & Karen E Quinones Miller (APOOO 4/ Amazon 4)

6. Suddenly Single by Shana Burton (APOOO 4/ Amazon 4)

7. Seen It All and Done The Rest by Pearl Cleage (APOOO 4/ Amazon 4)

8. The Duppy by Anthony C. Winkler (not finished reading yet)

All the authors above except for DeBerry & Grant and Karen E Q Miller, was the first time I ever read any of their works. Yes I will read more of their works in the future. Until this time next month, happy reading.

Complicated Happiness

Happiness is all we have, when we really think about it.

People may wonder if I’m using all my God given senses.

That I am!

And I’m certain about it.

We all have friends, on who we depend, for one reason or another,

But when we take our heads from in the clouds realization sets in,

And those friends who made us happy,

Are nothing more than thorns disguised as a colorful rose bouquet.

Something chaotic starts to bloom,

A depressed sense of feeling creeps in,

Due to the bad habit of a poisoned friendship reaching the breaking point.

Emotions flood your body in the form of a summer storm,

Unpredictable and raging.

After witnessing a sample of a real friendship, a sense of calmness takes over.

Reaching for that one thing you missed

And you are back to being happy once again

A new sense takes over, a fiend waiting for your next big relationship hit.

For the first time I used photoshop and this is what I came up with. This is a picture I took in NY back in October of 2006 and I did some alterations to it. I love this picture. I feel so proud of myself.

This represents how I view some aspects of the world. The edges that are highlighted is the facade we as humans put on, trying to be something we clearly are not. The darkness is the things we hide beneath the surface, not ready to allow anyone at all to penetrate the thick walls of uncertainty. The side of the building to the right is those standing on the sideline, watching and already knowing exactly what it what.

Let’s not forget the street signs, pointing in all directions. It’s up to each individual to seek out their own destination. Seek ye first the kingdom of God and the rest will follow.

As you look to the left to the top, you see the brightest part of the whole picture, and to me that’s God watching without any judgment. He’s there but unless you look up and notice him to you he just isn’t there at all.

Ok so now I’m ready to play with my camera and my computer to see what else my inquiring mind can come up with.

“Carlito,” rolled off Kim’s tongue. It was as if she was trying to memorize his name and imagine how fine he was at the same time.

“You need to wipe whatever ideas you’re getting in your head out,” said Myla. “I want him for myself.”

Shit, I thought. How could this be? Both my friends want the man of my fantasy, because I already had the man of my dreams. This was going to be hard to accomplish, but I need to keep both of them away from him.

“Which one of you gonna scrub my feet and paint my toes?” I asked trying to buy time.

They both looked at me with a funny facial expressions; noses crinkled up and brows raised.

“Ok…I guess not,” I replied. “So what did we get together for tonight?”

“Isis, didn’t you just eat and drink something delicious?” asked Kim.

“Yes, so?”

“So your ass should be washing our feet, we did all the work all you did was show up, empty handed at that.”

“You know what…both of you can kiss my ample behind.”

I got my stuff and left. Everybody was damn tripping, tonight. It’s not like I think I’m better than them, but hell I’m a principal and a wife for damn sake. They’re just…working women, none more. I prefer to deal with lazy ass Sean.

Pulling up in front of my house, I could see the television lights twinkling through the blinds. He was still sitting in the same place, what a complete waste of skin.

Turning the key in the lock, I heard some rustling around. Lawd, not more of Sean straight tripping tonight. I was hoping he would be asleep, but guess not.

Once I crossed over the threshold, a strange, weird, yet familiar smell hit me in the face hard. It was a combination of two things, and my apple cinnamon air freshener damn sure wasn’t one of the scents. As soon as I got closer to the family room the reason was more than evident.

“Well, well, well…what do we have here up in my house? A slut and a punk ass junkie.”

There standing before me was a half naked Sean and that trifling, nosey neighbor from down the street, Kiki. Might I add she was pulling up her panties back on.

“See it’s not what you think, Isis,” she began.

Taking a quick scan of the room, I noticed the ashtray with the roach, end of the joint; they obviously lit up before getting loose on my family room floor. But to Kiki I must have shit on my face, because me seeing her freshly shaven vagina was not as it seemed. Well I’d be damn.

“Enlighten me, Kiki…Sean. Tell me what it is then, because from the looks of things, there were two kinds of highs going on in here. But what do I know I wasn’t here. Even though, I went to college and have my bachelor’s of science degree, I may be dumb as hell.”

While I waited for them to get their half ass story together, I took a few steps backwards, opened the coat closet, getting out my baseball bat. I’d bought it after Tony had died to protect myself. But once I let Sean in it was placed in the closet.

“What you gonna do with that Isis?” Sean asked.

Swinging a few practice swings, placing my hands around the neck of the bat tightly, I eyed the two fools.

“Depending on the story told to me tonight, I may have to play fool’s ball. I’m the batter and your heads are the balls.”

“Kiki just came by to give me some of her leftover weed. When she lit up the match dropped on her dress and started to burn.”

“Ball one,” I said while swinging. I connected with the wall, a few inches short of Sean’s right arm.

“You psycho, bitch! You almost hit me.”

“I know, I won’t miss again I promise.”

“Look, I don’t want no problems, so I’m a leave y’all to talk.”

“No, it’s not that easy. The second you thought it was okay to take off, your non-burnt dress, you asked for trouble. You never were able to get my Tony, but my, my, my…it didn’t take long for you to get this fool.”

I swung again. The sound of the bat meeting skin and bones was piercing to the ear. But since I swung with my eyes closed, I need to see who exactly had I hit.

“Damn, that looks bad.”

I wasn’t going to blog about April being National Poetry Month, but how could I call myself a poet if I didn’t? Yasmin, founder of APOOO Book Club is showcasing for the whole month of April the poets of today and yesterday. She is opening many eyes to the magnificant world of poets, and having fun while doing it. Check her out at the official APOOO site, you won’t regret it. While there find out about the spoken word competition and the scavenger hunt she will be hosting, and many other literary things on the web. Don’t forget to signup for the APOOO newsletter, it’s very informative.

So today I was sitting in my kitchen reflecting on life and this poem decided it wanted to invade my mental space. I had no clue what was forming within my mind, but I went with the flow and below you will find what poured out of me. I hope you enjoy it and if you don’t that’s okay too, because some poetry doesn’t always make sense to everyone who reads it.

I Don’t Want to Be Right

I wasn’t going to say this out loud

But I’m left with no choice,

And you need to know

You need to know the things you do to my insides when you

You make me feel sad and cry

But it’s a warm and fuzzy type of sadness

Almost wanting to die with every tear that falls from my eyes

You really are what make me…me

There’s no one else I’d rather be

And if crying in your presence is wrong

Well who wants to be right?

I’m not ashamed to tell the people I meet

Of my sincerest, deepest, heart palpitating feels I feel

When I hear your name whispered

Or even the smile that creeps upon my faces

When you slowly slip into my mind’s eye.

As I’ve said before, if I’m wrong for crying in your presence

Then why would I ever want to be right?

Do I really have to share, you my king,

With any other human being or spiritual thing?

Can I not just call you mine?

And we spend some quiet time together reflecting on things of the past

How we can make the love we have last through all of time?

I know I’m being selfish

I understand that I cannot keep you to myself

If you didn’t rise out of that cold tomb

There would be no me, no he, no she

No warm bodies

No one creating humanity

No one to fuss or fight

No one to share my life with

It’s all because of you

And…

If I have to be wrong to feel oh so right

Then wrong I must be

I won’t change my life.

I am what you made me

Though I’m not prefect and never claimed to be

You loved me for me

And truthfully that’s all I need.

Who cares if there’s no man beside me?

Calling me his wife

I still have a life.

Should I roll up and die

Because I live in a 4 x 4 box, I call my home

At least I have one and I’m happy spending time with you

And you alone.

Yea, many may say I’m wrong

Didn’t man make up the opposite of right?

How do we know that what’s right isn’t really wrong

And what’s wrong isn’t really right?

I’ll keep saying it until they believe

If it’s wrong to say I love you and cry in your sight

Just leave me alone, because…

I don’t want to be right.

What song best describes you?

This is such a hard question for me to answer, because I feel a few does. Mary Mary “I Try” calls out to me. Because like the lyrics say, “I try but sometimes I fail/now I realize I need your help/I can’t make it all by myself/I need you, you, you”

I tell you something is always knocking me on my butt, but I don’t crawl into a corner and just sit there. I pray to God because I understand I can’t do it all by myself at all. It all in his time not mine. Another song that goes along with that is Donnie McClurkin’s “We Fall Down.” How many times can I say I’ve made the same silly mistake but I “get back up again?” The Bible says as does the song “a just man falls seven times,” and he gets back up again. That is what I try to teach my children, it’s ok to fail at something, because failure only leads to success. Sometimes the lessons you learn when you fail helps you to get back up and be successful.

Then to my fun side: Nothing like some Whitney before Bobby got into her head with his illegal substances. “I Wanna’ Dance with Somebody.” My poor husband cannot dance to save his life. But he is the only person I would want to dance with. When getting all close and emotions are raging and heating up, who better but my husband? But then there are times my kids and I put on some dancing music and work up a sweat. It’s awesome to be care free.

That’s enough about me, it’s your turn to share.

Today I had the opportunity to speak to a wise woman. Her phone call was so unexpected, yet very appreciative. When she speaks, her words flow from her lips like liquid silk, that’s why I know the mental healing piece below is so perfect for today, because it reflects exactly how she lives her life.

I know when you read this you will know who you are. I thank you for being you. Even though you are far away you are a mentor and a true friend.

Day Three

Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. Galatians 6 v 7-9 KJV

When God created us he created us in his likeness. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. Genesis 1 v 27 KJV He was actually unselfish enough to give of his self freely, looking for nothing in return. Maybe you do want to look for something, how about the joy in the person’s eye that you helped.

Often times when we attend church we hear the minister asking for the offering to be something like you have never given before, especially if this is a great time of need for you. Yes, I know some will sit there and screw up their face, and shift in their seat, but if you don’t sow into your belief system, then why cry out when you are in need? You can’t pick apples and oranges, if you have a pear tree. The same thing goes for your life. Don’t just give when you need, give all the time so that when you are in need, the blessings will rain down on you.

Keep in mind it might not be for yourself that you are sowing. If you have children and grandchildren you could be sowing into their future.